Eyes of a Father

To be honest, 

I left the Philippines telling myself that I failed. 

I was confused as to why I didn’t see any miracles happen in front of me. 

I was mad at myself for not being more intentional. 

I was bitter that my expectations didn’t meet reality. 

It’s interesting to me how much we continually tell God we trust him and that we put all the stake in ourselves.   

We end up putting so much hope in human beings and so little stake in a God who is the only one with the bigger picture.   

During our time in the Philippines, we got to connect with a group of eight amazing women who all worked at the same bar in Angeles City Pampanga. The financial support of friends and family that allowed me to go on this trip went directly towards funding a relaxing retreat for girls that are currently working in the bars. The organization that we worked with called Wipe Every Tear hosts this retreat once a month on the island of Puerto Galera. They do outreach to invite any girl that would be willing to come to enjoy three days of free meals, a beachfront room, and a trip to a waterfall. For many of the girls, it is the first time in a while that they have a chance to breathe as they take a break from an environment that numbs and drains them constantly.      

One of the girls, we connected with was Karla (name changed for confidentiality). Karla was someone that we would not have expected to come to the retreat because of her position. She was a mamasan, which means that she managed the girls working in the bar. The title we would use is “trafficker” but that title does not in any way describe her. The majority of the time, when girls age out of the bar they have no other option than to work as a mamasan. This role oftentimes includes acting as a mother to the girls under their care. Karla is one of the most generous people that I’ve ever met and I got to watch the way she loved, cared for, and defended her seven girls well. Her girls looked up to her as she was the one who encouraged them to come to our retreat and the one who is pushing them to get a college education. The girls were not the only ones who experienced Karla’s generosity. During the retreat, she bought us mangos, popsicles, and candy out of her own expenses. Gradually, on the retreat, we got to hear more of her story and connected in a deeper way.  

Then the retreat ended. I’ll never forget the feeling in the pit of my stomach of having to watch these sweet girls, who had become my friends, walk back towards the bar as they needed to clock in for their shift.  

The hard part is that we didn’t get to share the gospel during the retreat. This was discouraging because so much of our heart for this mission is to communicate to them the surpassing love of Jesus. The fact that we didn’t get to do that felt like failure in a way.  

While I truly wanted freedom from this industry for these girls, I also had to take a step back and realize how much of my intentions were attached to the fact that I wanted to be the one doing the rescue mission. Would I be okay with not seeing the fruit and realizing that it is not up to me to save them? That was always something that only Jesus could do and it was never my place to tell him how to do his job.   

I am thankful that the end of the retreat was not the last time we saw Karla and all the other girls. After we got back, she invited us to her favorite local Korean BBQ and treated our entire team to a meal. We were blown away by the way she showed so much kindness towards us. 

Our last interaction with them was two days before we left to go home. Several of the girls had agreed to come with us to tour the “home hope”, which is the safe house for the girls that decide to leave the bars and continue their college education. Seeing the house seemed to spark curiosity and made them wonder if maybe this could be a possibility.

Of course, saying goodbye consisted of so many tears as we hugged each of them, praying that we were able to communicate how loved they are by us and a heavenly Father who sees them. We got back on the airplane and each of the girls were still heavy on our minds.  The only response possible was to pray and to ask others to pray, so that’s what we did. 

A month passed and some of the girls on our team were able to keep in contact with Karla and the other girls through Facebook. We so desperately wanted them to know that life outside of the bar could be a reality.  We prayed earnestly when we found out that the girls had decided to go back to the retreat a second time with the Wipe Every Tear team. 

A few nights ago, I opened my phone to see that the organization director that sent this message, 

“Karla and many other girls said yes to Jesus and baptism in the South China Sea last night and we did our first-ever night baptism. It was glorious.”  

My heart exploded. I had told God that I needed to be okay with not seeing the results of what he was doing and I was going to trust him even if I didn't see the purpose. It’s crazy the way he will go above and beyond. He gave me the view of the bigger picture even though I didn’t deserve to see it.  

Our team felt the waves of exhaustion and hit the walls of discouragement. We felt the reality of Ephesians 6:12,  “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”  

But we held on to charge of Isaiah 61:1, “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor, he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound.” 

The most beautiful part of this story is that it was NEVER about me and whether or not I would fail. It was NOT about my capability to accomplish something great and have a special moment. It was just about saying yes and trusting whatever God wanted to do with that.

Being able to watch the way God pursued the hearts of these girls was beautiful. The Lord deeply cares about his daughters.